The value of emotional regulation — and what makes it possible.

For many people emotional responses that are disruptive to daily life, relationships, or school and work environments are often rooted in something deeper than simply “over-reacting” or “under-performing”. In many cases, it is a result of feeling a loss of power, control, or safety.

When people perceive that their ability to influence their environment, protect themselves, or maintain stability has been compromised, the brain and nervous system shift into protective mode. These responses are not random or irrational. They are the nervous system’s attempt to protect the individual from perceived threat.

The value of emotional regulation is dislodging yourself from feeling stuck in patterns that no longer serve you. From a power and control perspective, getting that agency back into your life is possible through three key steps:

1.     Identifying what’s getting in the way of the life you want

2.     How the disruption to having power and control occurred

3.     How to restore power and control in your life

Understanding Perceived Threat

One of the brain's responsibilities is to constantly scan for signs of danger – thank you amygdala! When our brain detects a real or perceived threat is when we typically either witness or experience heightened emotional reactions, a.k.a. panic attacks, withdrawal and avoidance, as well as irritability, anger, or frustration to name a few examples.

The big take away here is conscious thought from the cerebrum (or prefrontal cortex) has not yet occurred. The ‘ah-ha’ moments occur afterwards once de-escalation has taken place.

Examples of disruptive thoughts, emotions, and behaviors

So, if the external experience does not match the expected or typical behavior something internal is happening. Examples:

Thoughts

·      “I am powerless”

·      “I am inadequate”

·      “I cannot trust anyone”

Emotions

·      Feeling rejected

·      Paranoid or confused

·      Intense irritability

Behaviors

·      Withdrawing from relationships

·      Becoming defensive

·      Reacting with anger that is disproportionate to the situation

Key Concepts

·      Emotional responses are shaped by past power dynamics

·      Emotional intensity is information

·      Emotional regulation requires agency

The key concepts listed above are intended to highlight and promote curiosity about emotional experiences you or others may experience rather than judgement.

Reflection Questions

• Where do you experience a loss of choice? 

• What feels at risk when emotions escalate?

•  If your emotions are protective, what are they trying to protect?

Ending Thoughts

Regaining power and control can begin by empowering your values through curiosity, understanding how the brain functions in concert with your central nervous system, and how to regulate your responses from an ‘outside-in’ approach.

*Ready to get started? Call (804-277-9877) or fill out our online appointment request form below to schedule your intake appointment! We also offer free 10-15min consultations if you want to check us out first!